


Put your hand in my hand (cause I'm losing my grip)

by 1am1ronman



Series: Is this love or what? [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A bit of angst because of course, California, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, M/M, Nightmares, Sharing a shower!, Steve helps Tony sleep...kinda, This is basically right before IM3 and CATWS, Tony is working too hard, fun beach day, mentions of HYDRA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 16:36:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21139814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1am1ronman/pseuds/1am1ronman
Summary: Tony looked at him, this man who had been through so much. Who was born in 1918, yet was somehow here with him as a twenty-eight year old. A man he might never have met if the universe or whatever hadn’t decided to bring them together. A man who he was pretty sure he was in love with, if not intensely infatuated with.--Tony misses Steve and Steve wants Tony to rest.





	Put your hand in my hand (cause I'm losing my grip)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! Here's a second part to this series that I'm suddenly writing, lol. I'm sticking with the theme of using different lines from Hand by Black Taxi because it fits so well. Enjoy this second part!
> 
> \----
> 
> 02/05/20 : Edited to correct some grammar :)

“Sir, may I suggest you conduct this test flight tomorrow.”

“No you may not, JARVIS,” Tony said, wincing slightly as he finished implanting the micro-repeaters into his arm. They were microscopic transmitters that would send an electric signal to pieces of his suit, telling them exactly where to form around him.

“Sir, I must reiterate, you’re running on seventy-two hours without sleep-”

“Duly noted. Run sequence.”

“Very well, Sir.” JARVIS would’ve sounded long-suffering, if he were human.

Tony gave a thumbs up to DUM-E, which was holding a camera pointed at him. He glanced around at the row of suits surrounding the perimeter of his workshop. This new suit would be Mark 42. There weren’t actually forty-two operating suits, but it had taken him many tries to get the new autonomous prehensile propulsion right. And he hoped he had- gotten it right, that is.

The test would’ve gone great- should’ve. But after receiving a headache and a split lip for his efforts, JARVIS was probably onto something with the whole ‘seventy-two hours without sleep’ thing. Or he could start looking into Mark 43...

Tony blew out a breath and collapsed onto a nearby stool, running his hands down his face. There was a reason he wasn’t sleeping, but it was easier to drown himself in work and suit upgrades than it was to address the real problem. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that giant wormhole into space, felt it closing around him, watched as aliens- aliens- invaded New York. It was so beyond everything he’d understood about the world, and he felt like it was only just catching up with him.

It didn’t help that Steve had gone to DC to help SHIELD with their rapidly collapsing agency. When they’d first asked him, Steve hadn’t seemed keen on the idea- probably because his and Tony’s relationship was still so new and in that stage where even a day apart felt frustrating.

But they were also grown men, and they had jobs to do. Even if there was no love really for SHIELD, Tony was pretty sure Steve’s willingness to help had something to do with his lingering devotion to Peggy Carter, who’d helped form SHIELD in the beginning. Anyway, Natasha had gone with him, Barton had disappeared god knows where, Thor had returned to Asgard, and all of a sudden it was only Tony and Bruce in the Tower.

It had been fun for a while- science bros doing sciencey things all hours of the day without interruption. But eventually, Tony realized he should maybe start acting like the owner of a multi-billion dollar tech conglomerate, and get on a plane to LA. Even if tinkering with toys in his lab was what led to said ‘conglomerate,’ there was boring paperwork and meetings that needed his attention. And without Steve in New York or more than half of the other Avengers, Tony felt like he was in a state of limbo.

So here he was in Malibu, trying to work with Pepper on his company and assure board members that he was as invested as ever, even if he was also an Avenger on the side. The rub was that Tony was in fact a little distracted from the company (see the above seventy-two hours without sleep because of tinkering with Iron Man suits).

But Iron Man was who he was now. And nothing was going to change that.

“Sir, you’ve just received a message from Captain Rogers.”

Tony looked up as JARVIS projected Steve’s text in front of him.

Hey, just wanted to text you good night :) You might be sleeping already, but some business at SHIELD ran long, so I’m only just getting back to the apartment. Call me in the morning

Tony smiled to himself at the perfect grammar of the message, and then wider at the belated ‘I miss you’ that arrived seconds later. He never thought he’d be the type of man to smile stupidly to himself when his lover texted him, but Steve seemed to occasionally bring out that side of him.

He decided not to respond, hoping that Steve would be convinced he was in fact asleep. The effort was probably futile, but Tony liked to humor himself that he could still get away with some little things.

He took one last glance around at his shop, still littered with the evidence of his failed test run, and decided maybe it was time to brave the nightmares again.

“Alright, JARVIS, you win. Time for some shut-eye.”

“Excellent, Sir. What a rare sight to see you take my advice.”

“Now don’t get sassy with me, or I might not do it again. Shut everything down for me, honey.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Tony sauntered (probably more like stumbled, in his state) out of the lab as the lights and music powered down. By the time he fell into bed, he barely had a chance to shut his eyes before unconsciousness took him.

\-----------------------------------------

Space. Aliens. A wormhole in the sky. A cave in the desert. A hole in his chest. Agony. Screaming.

Tony jerked awake, sweating and shaking and clutching his pillow like a lifeline. The lights rose slowly as Tony lay shivering for several more moments, trying to regain his bearings.

“Time?”

“Six thirty-one AM, Sir,” came JARVIS’ soothing tone. “You slept for five hours and four minutes.”

“Spectacular,” Tony mumbled to himself, rubbing his forehead where a headache was beginning to bloom. He supposed if he was up, he was up. “Get the coffee started in the lab, then.”

“As you wish, Sir.” Tony could’ve sworn Jarvis sounded unenthusiastic about the instruction, but it wasn’t in his programming to disobey Tony. So when Tony arrived in his lab after a quick shower (and a few minutes of willing the shaking in his hands to stop), the familiar smell of fresh coffee emanated.

And Tony got back to work.

And that was what it was like in those weeks. Working until he couldn’t any longer- until he had to sleep, or else collapse. Waking after some hours from dreams that left him gasping from the anxiety. Avoiding Pepper and Rhodey’s more and more frequent looks of increasing concern. Trying not to break down in public.

He didn’t understand why it was getting worse. He was happy, he thought. He had Steve- even if he wasn’t physically with him- and his company was stable, at least for the time being. And he was back in California where he didn’t have to deal with the snow and the cold of a New York winter, which always depressed him.

But he wasn’t okay. And something had to change soon if there was any hope of Tony being battle-ready in the event of an Avengers-level threat. And that was all part of the problem wasn’t it? It was the very idea of those ‘Avengers-level threats’ that had him unable to sleep yet tirelessly working in the lab to prepare for.

And it was in the middle of another all-work-no-sleep bender that Steve dropped in unexpectedly. Tony was still sporting a split lip from the test run a few days ago, in addition to probably large circles under his eyes from exhaustion, and therefore panicked when JARVIS announced that ‘Captain Rogers has just entered the premises and is on his way to the lab, Sir.’

Tony was mostly thrilled that Steve was here, but he was also dreading the inevitable questions. So in an attempt to avoid that conversation for as long as possible, Tony was bent over his workbench, tinkering with the Mark 42 when Steve entered the lab behind him.

Tony pretended like the music and his work were distracting enough that he didn’t hear Steve, even though he longed to simply turn around and kiss the crap out of the man. Steve seemed to go along with it though, because he didn’t say anything, simply walking quietly up behind Tony and wrapping his arms around Tony’s waist.

Tony couldn’t help the pleased sigh that escaped his lips at the feeling of Steve’s arms around him after weeks without. Steve nosed along Tony’s neck and behind his ear, the action reminding Tony of the bizarre fact that Steve seemed to like how he smelled.

“Tony,” Steve breathed into his ear, his name infused with so much else that Tony had to clutch one of Steve’s hands around his waist.

He couldn’t believe how much Steve affected him. And how much he seemed to affect Steve. It was a mystery how they’d ever thought they couldn’t get along. But then again, it also made perfect sense. Love was awful close to hate.

“Steve, you-- you’re here,” Tony stuttered, a pretty redundant remark but his higher brain functions weren’t working at present.

Steve hummed against his neck, and Tony could feel the reverberation from Steve’s chest against his back. “Thought I’d surprise you.” Steve’s hands slowly caressed Tony’s abdomen, and Tony longed to feel those palms against his bare skin. “Missed you.”

With that, Steve started to kiss Tony’s neck and jaw, and Tony was helpless to resist him. The tools in his hands clattered to the work table as he turned around in Steve’s arms and kissed him until he couldn’t breathe, his hands roaming every part of Steve that he could reach. He’d be embarrassed if Steve wasn’t so obviously as eager as Tony was.

His split lip twinged a bit at the pull of Steve’s lips against his, but he didn’t let that stop him. It did of course draw Steve’s attention once they’d pulled away. Steve’s smile had turned down at the corners slightly as he traced his thumb over the cut.

“How did that happen?”

“Ah, just during one of my test runs. Don’t even really remember,” Tony said, shrugging. Steve nodded, but proceeded to kiss it gently, making Tony roll his eyes. “What a gentleman. Are you gonna kiss all my cuts and bruises better?” 

Steve smirked and dragged his hands slowly down Tony’s back. “Of course, just show me where and I’ll get to work.”

“Speaking of,” Tony said, “How’s everything with SHIELD?”

Steve sighed. “It’s...worse than they realized. DC is completely corrupted as well. And it extends all the way to the higher-ups. Fury doesn’t know who to trust. And half the time, he’s just waiting to see who’ll put out a hit on him.” Tony squeezed Steve’s hip in comfort, as Steve looked at him with ghosts in his eyes. “It’s HYDRA, Tony.”

Oh God. Tony watched the play of emotions on Steve’s face- anger, sadness, regret, and a fiery determination. Tony didn’t understand how Steve hadn’t told him this sooner, but then again, perhaps they’d only just figured it out.

“I’m so sorry, Steve.”

“I thought I’d left at least this one evil in the past, but...” Steve shook his head. Tony watched as he shrugged away his worry and adopted the smile that he’d arrived with. It was a display which impressed Tony because it rivaled his own ability to bury emotion. “Anyway, I don’t want to think about it- at least for tonight. I just want to focus on you.”

Tony smirked. “That can definitely be arranged.” Steve gave a small laugh and thumbed at the corners of Tony’s eyes.

“You look tired, have you been sleeping?” Steve asked, but Tony just shrugged it off.

“Here and there. When I can,” Tony said, rather pathetically if his aim was not to worry Steve. And predictably, Steve frowned in concern.

“JARVIS?” Steve asked, before Tony could stop him.

“Sir has slept approximately five hours in the last three days, Captain, and sixteen hours in the last two weeks.”

Steve turned an unbelieving gaze to Tony. “Sixteen hours?” Tony released his hold on Steve’s hips and tried to turn away, but Steve held onto his waist stubbornly. “Tony this is...I hadn’t realized it had gotten this bad. How are you standing? Let alone working?”

Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead where there was an almost constant headache these days. He watched as Steve seemed to take in the lab around him for the first time since he’d arrived. And Tony saw the lab through Steve’s eyes- rows of Iron Man suits that hadn’t existed only weeks ago, new inventions strewn across almost every surface, coffee mugs scattered throughout the space since Tony hadn’t bothered washing them. A muscle in Steve’s jaw ticked, and Tony felt a lecture coming on.

But instead, Steve surprised him by simply swallowing and stepping away from him. “Have you had dinner yet?”

The change in topic gave Tony whiplash. “Uhh, no.”

“I’ll head up and make us something. Join me in half an hour?” Steve asked. Tony nodded hesitantly. He felt like he’d missed something. But Steve just smiled at him and kissed Tony on the cheek, before striding from the lab.

Tony shook his head and got back to work. He just needed to finish tweaking some things with Mark 42 before he could be done for the night.

\-----------------------------------------

When Tony emerged from the lab half an hour later, it was to the smell of cooking tomato sauce. He walked into the kitchen and was greeted with Steve plating spaghetti and meatballs. Tony was pretty sure he couldn’t even muster up toast with the ingredients in this kitchen, let alone spaghetti, so he assumed Steve had bought groceries.

“Thought you only knew how to make steak and eggs,” Tony teased. Steve looked up at the sound of his voice, and smiled.

“Maybe I’ve been practicing. God knows, you’d be eating pizza every night if someone didn’t cook for you.” Tony laughed and took a seat at the island as Steve slid his plate over to him.

They ate just like that, hunched over the island, their heads close as they talked about mindless topics. It was becoming familiar to Tony, this whole date night in the kitchen thing they were doing.

He and Steve hadn’t really been able to spend much time together outside of Avengers Tower, since Steve had been called away to DC and Tony to Los Angeles. They also hadn’t really discussed telling anyone about their relationship besides the Avengers and their friends. Tony had no idea whether going on dates outside of the house was even in the cards.

He couldn’t really comprehend how big the news of Iron Man and Captain America dating would be to the world. It was so much bigger than just him and Steve, even if Tony wished it wasn’t. They were just two men, after all. But that’s not what it would be for a lot of people. For some, it would be news that would give them hope, maybe even save their life. But for some, it would be unthinkable, disgusting, wrong. Tony was afraid the public reaction might even ruin him and Steve if they let it.

“What are you thinking about?” Steve asked.

Tony looked at him, this man who had been through so much. Who was born in 1918, yet was somehow here with him as a twenty-eight year old. A man he might never have met if the universe or whatever hadn’t decided to bring them together. A man who he was pretty sure he was in love with, if not intensely infatuated with.

“Just...thought of some improvements I could make to the suit,” Tony lied. He didn’t even know why, just that he didn’t want to give too much away of his true feelings. He was pretty sick of listening to his own thoughts, let alone repeating them out loud.

“Well,” Steve said, putting his and Tony’s dishes in the sink. “You could stop thinking about work for a minute and follow me upstairs.” Steve smirked at Tony and slid past him to walk toward the staircase.

“I think I can manage that,” Tony muttered to himself, sliding off his chair and briskly following.

\------------------------------------

Aliens pouring through a wormhole in the sky. The endless expanse of space stretching out for infinity. His chest constricting as oxygen is depleted. He can’t breathe. He can’t- breathe. He can’t-

“-ny! Tony!”

He jerked awake, but he was still gasping for air.

“Tony, breathe!” Steve’s hand was clamped around his bicep, and it brought him back down to Earth. He heaved in lungfuls of air, his body shaking from the remnants of the dream. “Tony...” Steve’s worried tone registered in his mind, and he turned onto his back, Steve’s hand coming to rub Tony’s chest soothingly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Tony said breathlessly, holding onto Steve’s forearm with a viselike grip.

“It’s okay, Tony,” Steve said, but his voice was distressed. “Don’t apologize. Just-- just breathe. I’ve got you.” Tony nodded, the rise and fall of his chest slowing as his heartbeat calmed. Steve didn’t need to ask Tony if this was the reason he wasn’t sleeping. It was pretty obvious at this point. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep them away.”

Tony frowned at the comment, until he realized Steve meant the nightmares. “What? No, Steve, this isn’t your fault. I’m just...I’m a hot mess.” Tony sighed, and Steve laid his hand against Tony’s cheek, gently stroking the dark circle under his left eye.

“Tell me,” Steve requested.

Tony blinked up at him in thought, but eventually shook his head. “Can we talk in the morning? I just don’t want to think about it right now.” Steve nodded in understanding and gave Tony a soft kiss, before laying his head down and pulling Tony against him.

Tony relished in Steve’s arms around him, his bare chest exuding enough warmth to make the cold of space fade away. Steve always slept without a shirt, while Tony almost always wore a tank top. He’d gotten into the habit of wearing a shirt when he’d gotten the arc reactor-- trying to dim the light as much as he could.

Pepper had liked it cold in the room so she could pile blankets on top of herself, and Tony hadn’t minded, adding sweatpants to his sleepwear. But he didn’t so much need sweatpants anymore with a human furnace in his bed. And Steve didn’t like the cold, so Tony kept the room warmer for him. All of this to say that he was somewhere in the middle now, wearing a tank top and boxer briefs to bed at night.

He stroked Steve’s side until his breaths were long and deep, signaling he was asleep. Tony knew he wouldn’t get any more rest tonight, so he slipped out of bed as carefully as he could, threw on some jeans and headed down to the lab. Maybe one day, his method of distraction would mean he could sleep easier at night. But not tonight.

\-----------------------------------------

Tony was testing the micro-repeater transmissions to the suit again, trying to fine-tune the response time when the music lowered and he glanced up to see Steve in the doorway. He was still shirtless and blinking slowly, his hair sticking up on one side, like he’d rolled out of bed when he’d realized Tony was gone.

Tony glimpsed the time on one of his screens: 6:04 am.

“Hey, the music didn’t wake you, did it?” Tony asked, checking that the suit’s sensors were still calibrating correctly.

“Uh, no,” Steve said, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked extremely soft and sleep-warm, and Tony wanted desperately to drag him back to bed. But it had been established that he didn’t like what came with sleep. “Did- did you sleep any more after...?”

Tony didn’t let him attempt to finish the question. “Yeah, some. I haven’t been down here long. Probably rolled out of bed a little before you.” Tony gave Steve a small smile, but he faltered when he caught the annoyed look on Steve’s face. So he hadn’t fooled him, then.

“I don’t get it. Why won’t you just be honest with me?” Steve asked. He didn’t sound angry, just confused. “What is it you think will happen?”

“Woah, Captain Dramatic,” Tony said, doing what he always did and deflecting. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is, though,” Steve insisted. “I’m just worried about you.”

Tony huffed. “I just- got an idea and couldn’t shake it. Needed to come down here and work it out.”

“Tony, you aren’t sleeping. And you’re waking up, gasping for breath, from nightmares that you won’t acknowledge,” Steve continued, before Tony could interrupt. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. God knows, I don’t want to talk about my nightmares. But you can’t go on pretending it’s not happening.”

“Why does there always have to be something wrong with me, Cap? Why do I always have to be the one breaking down?” God, he hated when this version of him came out. But Steve was starting to piss him off. “Kinda seems like you want to fix me or something. Well guess what, Cap? Many have tried and all of them failed.”

“I’m not trying to fix you, Tony,” Steve said. “I’m just trying to help. Look around you. Can’t you see you’re running yourself ragged?”

“I’m not stupid, okay? I can see how I’m carrying on isn’t healthy,” Tony took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe they were really gonna get into this right now. “I’m-- nothing has been the same since New York.” Steve’s frown deepened, but he didn’t try to interject.

“I remember what I saw- aliens, wormholes, space- and I...can’t even comprehend...” Tony swallowed thickly, but forced himself to continue. “I try to sleep, and I can’t. I come down here. Do what I know. Try to prepare for the next mission- the next threat. It’s the only thing holding me together. That and...you.” Steve’s arms were still crossed over his chest, but his eyes didn’t look angry. “I have to protect what’s most important. You, the Avengers, Pepper, Rhodey- you’re my family. I can’t...”

Tony’s voice gave out, and he stared down at his hands on the workbench, trying to collect his thoughts. He didn’t think he could look at Steve and see pity in his eyes. But Steve always surprised him.

“Tony,” Steve spoke from across the room, his hands now down at his sides. “I must be the one person that understands what you’re talking about better than anyone.” Tony looked up at him uncertainly. “I come from a time when half of the inventions and technologies of today were unimaginable, and pretty much considered impossible. Yet I wake up and I’m surrounded by the impossible. Every day, I’m learning something I didn’t know before and it’s...exhausting. And on top of that, there’s almost nowhere that feels familiar anymore- not like when I was a kid.”

“And so I do what I know. I fight. I’m a soldier, and I can’t stand bullies. So I fight,” Steve bit his lip, his expression overflowing with memories that he could never fully share with Tony. “And even doing what I knew, I was a little lost. I kept...trying to convince myself that I would come to terms with what I left behind, and feel at home in this time, but the truth is that I might never fully feel at home here. There’s always gonna be a part of me that wishes I could go back.” Tony’s chest constricted at that thought, but Steve wouldn’t let him hurt for long. “But with you, Tony...you feel like you could be my new home, you know?”

Tony blinked rapidly down at his hands and nodded. Yeah, he knew what Steve meant.

“Shit, Tony. I’m a hot mess, too,” Steve’s lips quirked up at the corners. “We can’t be fixed- we don’t need to be- but we can try to make it easier on each other.” Tony nodded again, not trusting himself to speak yet. “I just want to know what’s going on in that head of yours. And you deserve to know what’s going on in mine.”

Tony felt Steve move toward him, but he waited until he was right in front of him to pull Steve close, resting his forehead against Steve’s chest and wrapping his arms around his back. Steve carded his hands through Tony’s hair, his fingers massaging Tony’s scalp until the headache that had been persisting for weeks was a dull memory.

“Was that our first fight?” Tony mumbled into Steve’s chest, a teasing note in his voice. “As a couple, I mean.” Tony could feel Steve’s huff of laughter like a breeze against his neck.

“Yeah, and I’m sure it won’t be our last.” But Steve only sounded matter-of-fact, maybe even fond. “Wasn’t much of a fight, though. There wasn’t even yelling.”

“Well, it sure wasn’t flirting,” Tony muttered back.

Steve tilted Tony’s head up to look at him. He was smiling and it made Tony’s chest constrict for a different reason than before. “Pretty sure we were kind of flirting when we argued on the Quinjet that one time.”

“Uh, I was very mad at you, actually,” Tony insisted. “Are you telling me you were pulling my pigtails like a schoolboy with a crush?” Steve didn’t say anything, but he bit his lip around a smile, trying not to laugh. “Oh my god, Steve.”

“I didn’t realize it at the time,” Steve argued. “I was definitely annoyed with you, but it was just for a very different reason than I thought.”

“Uh-huh,” Tony smirked.

“Breakfast?” Steve asked. Tony nodded, but before Steve could pull away, Tony tugged him into a deep and thorough kiss that left both of them panting.

“I’m gonna go on a quick run and then we can eat,” Steve uttered against his lips. Tony nodded, appreciating one last moment of running his hands across Steve’s back, before releasing him.

He watched Steve march out of the lab, his hair still sticking up on one side, probably permanently until he eventually showered. God, Tony was so lucky.

\---------------------------------------

They were eating breakfast on the balcony when it occurred to Tony that this might be Steve’s first time in California.

“Hey, how are you liking the Golden State?” Tony asked. Steve was currently leaning his elbows on the stone railing, bent over and watching the waves crash against the rocks as he ate an apple. From where Tony was laying in the lounge chair behind Steve, he was enjoying an entirely different view that was no less pleasing.

“I like it,” Steve said, after he’d swallowed his bite. The wind was gently ruffling his hair, still wet from the quick shower he’d had after his run. “Much warmer here than in DC. Or New York, for that matter.”

Tony nodded and set aside his mug of coffee, standing to join Steve at the railing. He leaned his shoulder against Steve’s, who then looked at him with a small, pleased smile.

“I like being here with you,” Steve continued, taking another bite of his apple that drew Tony’s attention to his jaw and throat. There was no way Steve wasn’t doing that on purpose, and the smirk on his face was a good indication of that fact. Tony shook his head around a fond smile, and leaned his forehead against Steve’s warm shoulder briefly before straightening back up. “The ocean is beautiful. Could we-- I’d like to go to the beach, maybe. If you’re not too busy. I know you can’t just drop everything because I’m here.”

Tony didn’t miss the way Steve had given him an out, if he didn’t feel like going. But he would be crazy not to want to see Steve in wet swim trunks, the sun glistening off of the water against his skin. God, he was getting worked up just thinking about it.

“Are you kidding me?” Tony said, instead of voicing the thoughts swirling through his mind. “Yes. Beach. It’s perfect. I have some trunks you can borrow.” Steve’s smile was so pleased that Tony felt he might be spending the rest of his life trying to make it reappear at every opportunity.

\-----------------------------------------

What Tony hadn’t taken into account when he’d agreed to this was the fact that a glistening, sun-warmed Steve was very hard to keep his hands off of. Not to mention the trunks he’d given him to borrow were definitely too small for Steve, unless he was going for a European look. In which case, they fit him perfectly.

Tony had been lounging happily on his towel watching Steve slice through the water (because of course he was taking this opportunity to get in some exercise), when the vision of Steve rising from the ocean like a Greek god made Tony feel suddenly very hot and very inappropriate for being in a somewhat public space.

The beach itself was Tony’s private beach, and there wasn’t anyone around, since it was December and too chilly for most California residents to bother with their own beaches. But it still made Tony wish they were alone in the privacy of his bedroom, or maybe the shower. They had had one shower together, the morning after they'd first slept together, and Tony was eager to revisit the concept.

The man in question approached Tony from across the sand, a smile on his face and a flush covering his skin from the cold water and exertion. The wet swim trunks were in fact clinging to him so as to leave little to the imagination. Tony felt a little like his arc reactor was failing, as his heart beat erratically in his chest.

When Steve got close enough, Tony threw him the other towel, which Steve swiped across his chest and arms to mop up some of the water, but which really did little to dry him off. Steve collapsed onto his knees in the sand, and Tony’s eyes widened when he moved as though he were going to lay on top of Tony, his hands in the sand on either side of Tony’s waist. But he aborted the movement halfway through, at the look on Tony’s face, and sat back on his heels, glancing around him with a dejected look that Tony immediately wished he could never see again.

“No,” Tony said, causing Steve to meet his eyes again. “Come back.” He wrapped a hand around Steve’s wrist, tugging him to come closer, but Steve was immovable.

“No Tony, you’re right. We’re...” Steve nodded his chin at the open air around them, but Tony wouldn’t stop tugging.

“Nope, I’m serious. Come back,” Tony insisted. “I won’t stop until those two hundred and forty pounds are laying on top of me.”

“Tony,” Steve sounded long-suffering, but his mouth was pulling up at the corners. “You’re insufferable.” But he was letting himself be tugged. Tony laid all the way back as Steve’s six-foot-two frame covered him, his forearms coming to frame Tony’s face.

Steve’s skin was cold from the water and the sand had clung to him wherever he was wet so that Tony was similarly now covered in salty water and sand. He didn’t mind in the least.

“Do you have any idea how much restraint I’m showing at the moment?” Tony asked.

Steve smirked. “This is you showing restraint?”

But Tony just grinned at him, and rested his hands on Steve’s hips, his thumbs tracing the waistline of the swim trunks. “Are you kidding?” Steve laughed and shook his wet hair in Tony’s face, causing him to sputter.

“Well, then. I’ll just have to keep you in check,” Steve said around a smile. “Or maybe I don’t want your restraint...” He bit his bottom lip, and Tony wanted to kiss him so badly.

Tony groaned. “You’re not playing fair.” Steve’s teeth released his lip and stared down at Tony’s own. And why couldn’t he kiss his boyfriend on his own private beach if he wanted to? His boyfriend who was already lying on top of him in all his wet, sandy glory? So he did.

It inevitably got very heated, very quickly, since Tony wasn’t one to deny himself and Steve was reacting so eagerly. But when Tony’s hand on Steve’s ass brought their hips stuttering against one another, they broke apart to pant against each other’s mouths. Steve swallowed and Tony followed the motion with his eyes.

“Um,” Steve cleared his throat when his voice came out gravelly. “Maybe we should move back inside.” Tony nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Steve waited another moment, his breath calming slightly, before pushing himself up and off of Tony.

Tony immediately missed his weight, but Steve was hauling him up and they were hurrying back to the house like they were on a mission, which they basically were. A mission in the bedroom.

When they made it back, Tony’s daydream of a shower together came true when they both agreed they were too sandy to continue where they’d been headed on the beach. Tony had never had so much fun getting clean before.

“You know,” Steve spoke for the first time in several minutes, his voice breathy from the way Tony was currently feeling him up. “I feel like we’re wasting water.”

“Technically, it’s probably the same amount of water as if we’d taken two separate showers, since we’ve probably been in here the length of two showers,” Tony argued. “So we’re not saving any water, but we’re not totally wasting it. Plus, this is giving me ideas about creating an independent filtration system for the place. That way we could be in here as long as we wanted and all of the water would be recycled. Then, you wouldn’t have anything to complain about.”

Steve gave Tony a fond smile. “That’s right. Absolutely nothing.” Tony couldn’t completely tell if Steve was being sarcastic or not, but he decided to let it go and just enjoy the moment. He didn’t know how much longer he had of Steve.

\--------------------------------------

“When do you go back?” Tony finally brought himself to ask. He’d waited until they’d finished showering and collapsed into bed, sated for the moment but knowing Steve, ready for round two in short order.

Steve was idly stroking the skin of Tony’s shoulder, and he paused only briefly before continuing the hypnotizing touch. “Tomorrow morning, probably. I feel like nothing short of an Avengers Assemble is going to give me an out with Fury.”

Tony furrowed his brows, but didn’t feel sorry for himself for too long. There were more pressing matters in the world that needed to be dealt with-- matters that didn’t care if Tony didn’t get to wrap his arms around Steve every day, even if it severely bummed him out.

Steve watched his fingers trace Tony’s shoulder, letting his hand wander further down Tony’s back and following the path with his eyes. Tony studied Steve’s face while he was distracted. There was a pounding in Tony’s chest, a lump in his throat, a burning in his eyes and in his gut that was starting to overwhelm him. He felt so much for this man laying next to him that he thought he might burst with it. He simultaneously longed to shout it out and keep it buried. He didn’t think either would make the feeling go away.

“Steve,” Tony murmured, his voice hoarse somehow.

Steve’s eyes returned to his face, as his fingers settled into the dip of his spine. “Yeah?” His hushed tone matched Tony’s, although there was no reason they should be quiet, except that it made them seem more alone somehow- more intimately isolated.

“You won’t leave, will you,” Tony said, not a question but a statement of fact. He wasn’t talking about DC, either. Somehow- and it was too early to feel this so absolutely- but somehow Tony knew Steve wasn’t ever going to leave this. Them. He’d never felt so sure about something since he’d built Iron Man to destroy his weapons in the hands of terrorists.

Steve smiled and moved his hand to trace Tony’s cheekbone. “No, Tony, I won’t.” The look in Steve’s eyes was so honest that Tony had to shut his own momentarily.

He pulled his hand from underneath his pillow to take hold of Steve’s against his cheek, bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss against his palm. When he opened his eyes again, Steve was looking at him like...God, Tony didn’t know. Like there was nothing and no one else.

When he pulled Tony into a slow and desperate kiss, it turned into the most torturously enjoyable hour of Tony’s life. At least, he thought it was an hour but it could’ve been longer or shorter, for all he was aware. He didn’t know if he’d ever yearned more for something to both end and continue forever.

Steve was relishing in bringing Tony right to the edge before backing off. And Tony would complain if he had any words besides Steve’s name, over and over again. He was clinging to Steve wherever he could reach in the moment, but nothing was enough. He didn’t know if he’d ever feel like anything was enough. Or if he’d always yearn for more.

Steve dragged his lips across Tony’s collarbone, his breath huffing against his skin in short bursts. Tony thought he could feel every muscle in Steve’s body at once. He wanted to know Steve’s body better than anyone-- better than even Steve. He didn’t know if that was possible, but he wanted to try.

He couldn’t think after that. He was only aware of heat, sweat, pleasure. Steve’s hands, his mouth, his body. He didn’t know what he was saying or doing or even thinking in those last moments, beyond Steve.

He didn’t know it could be like this. God, how could he not have known?

At some point, after they’d been lying in an exhausted but comfortable quiet, drifting in and out of consciousness, a phone started vibrating somewhere. Neither of them could be bothered to move (Tony didn’t know if he could, even if he wanted to). But JARVIS interrupted the peace of the moment.

“Captain, Director Fury has left you an urgent message. I believe you’ll want to hear it.”

Steve took a deep breath, his chest rising with the movement. For a moment, Tony thought he might not respond, but eventually he blinked his eyes open. They landed on Tony first, which caused a dopey smile to grace both of their features.

“Yes, JARVIS? Play it out loud.”

“As you wish, Captain.”

Fury’s intense tone washed over them, causing their smiles to fade fast.

“Rogers, we need you back in DC. A...situation has developed. I debated whether to tell you over the phone, but it might be the only way to get your ass into high-gear,” Fury paused, and neither Steve or Tony breathed in the short silence. “We’ve found Barnes. Or rather, he’s found us. And yes, I mean your buddy from the forties. He’s here, he’s alive, and he’s very unhappy to see us.”


End file.
